Oxygen Mask Rule
If you have ever flown on airplane before, at some point before take-off a flight attendant is going to come over the intercom and say something like this: “Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the mask over your own mouth and nose before assisting others.” Why do they say that? What could possibly be wrong with helping others first?! Has anyone else ever thought that?
Your initial response may well be to protect others, especially loved ones. And you would do anything to make sure they are safe before you even think about turning back to yourself. That is natural for many of us. But it’s not effective, or wise. Particularly in the long run.
We all have an energy bar that gets eaten up bit by bit every day. Different activities and people take different amounts of the bar. But unless you consciously decide to restore it, it’s only heading in one direction…downwards. You only have a limited amount of energy. We all do. Hard as that is to admit, or even to understand.
For example, we may find ourselves devoting abundant energy to other people’s problems in various ways – educating ourselves about the problem, trying to keep the peace with our loved one, or worrying about the future. While using our valuable and limited time and energy to help others, we basically prioritize other people’s needs and choose to belittle our own. Although helping other people may sound like the right thing to do, the signs of over-giving are always visible. Some feelings that are related to over-giving are: exhaustion, frustration, loneliness, a feeling of not being enough, anger, along with possibly feeling ineffective or helpless.
Some people think that it is their duty to put everyone else’s needs first when, in fact, unless you prioritize self-care, you will burn out and not be any good to anyone (whether that takes seconds or decades). People often tell me they do not prioritize self-care because they feel “guilty” for putting their own needs ahead of others’ (in their mind, self-care = selfish).
Friend, it’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your well-being a priority. To avoid burnout, managing our self-care is a key responsibility to maintain our happiness, our physical health, and our mental health. If we don’t, we eventually won’t be able to care for others. It’s ok to take care of YOU.
Just because there is an opening in your schedule doesn’t mean you’re free. Everything doesn’t need to be filled up. That’s a YOU space. Take it. Say no if your peace of mind will be compromised by saying yes. Clear and healthy boundaries are the secret sauce to every single relationship. Say what you mean to say. Don’t say maybe if you want to say no.
Many of us find meaning in helping others and especially our loved ones who are in need. But what doesn’t need to be forgotten is that there is a limit to how much of our valuable energy and time we can give to help other people. If you’re a giver, know your limits because the takers don’t.
Five things that are not your job: (1) always hold it together (2) be liked all the time (3) do it all (4) fix or save people (5) please everyone.
Loyalty without boundaries can be a form of self-harm. (Even our best qualities can cause us harm if we do not have healthy boundaries.) It is NOT your job to be everything to everyone. It’s not your role to “fix” or “save” the people in your life. Instead, you have the honor of witnessing and supporting them as they find wholeness, healing, and empowerment in their own journey.
Choosing you doesn’t mean not choosing them. It means that you will not be everything to them and nothing to yourself. Putting yourself first doesn’t mean you don’t care about others. It means you’re smart enough to know you can’t help others if you don’t get healthy first. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
In modern fast-paced life, taking care of your own needs and giving back to ourselves can feel not only selfish but completely unrealistic. It’s a common misconception. You deserve to be happy too! Sometimes happiness looks like staying home, minding your business, and telling people no. Check on yourself as much as you check your social media profiles!